8 things I won’t be doing if I have a second baby (and won’t be feeling guilty about)

As with everything first-time around, being a first-time mum is a little daunting – you haven’t got a clue what you’re doing and you have a lot to learn. You can ask for all the advice in the world (and will no doubt be given it even if you don’t ask), but the only way you’re really going to learn is once you’re actually ‘on the job’.

8 things I won't be doing with a second baby

Yet once on the job parenthood tests us – we suddenly have a real human being who we are completely responsible for, and the pressure (along with hormonal urges) to be the perfect parent can sometimes get the better of us. We’ve hung on to every word in the antenatal classes, we’ve read up and watched videos about everything we’re going to need – and we’re ready to put it all into action. But after a couple of months of finding your feet, you soon realise that what works for you and your baby isn’t necessarily what you’ve been advised ‘is best’ – and it’s your right to throw the rule book out of the window.

I feel that I’ve already learnt such a lot on this crazy journey of parenthood and here are some of the things I won’t be doing if I have a second baby.

1. Stress out about breastfeeding

Throughout pregnancy I felt I was constantly educated about how breastfeeding will give my baby ‘the best start in life’ – with every leaflet, antenatal class and visit from my midwife there was another reminder that ‘breast is best’. And I really did want to make it work.

Yet when Taylor first latched on I couldn’t quite believe how painful it was – and with every feed I got more sore and the pain became more and more unbearable. In the end we introduced a couple of bottles as I was so sore I couldn’t bear the thought of Taylor latching on again, but then my milk production slowed right down and I ended up expressing alongside feeding to try and increase it again – meaning that I hardly got a minute to myself (day or night).

Not being able to breastfeed made me feel like a failure and like I’d let my daughter down. I kept thinking (and was advised) that if I kept at it, the pain would get less, and the production would come back. But neither happened and one day I just decided to stop. Once I made that decision it was like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I’ve never looked back since. I like to think that I might try it again, but I certainly won’t beat myself up if I can’t.

2. Try to maintain a tidy house

When you’re the one at home all day whilst your husband is out earning the dollar, it’s difficult not to feel a little judged when he walks through the door at 7pm to a bomb hole. In those early months I couldn’t grasp the fact that I had absolutely no time to ‘get things done’ – pretty much every minute was spent holding, feeding, or rocking to sleep a screaming baby and any time I did have was spent madly dashing around the house trying to clear away the carnage we were leaving in our tracks. At the time you can’t imagine this is ever going to end, but it does – a few months in and you’ll have a much more content baby who is happy to be put down and take a nap. Housework can wait until then – embrace the moment, cuddle up and realise that your life isn’t yours for the time being.

3. Worry about establishing a routine early on

At some point during the first couple of months I started to try and get Taylor into some sort of routine with her feeding a sleeping. Endless times did I try and rock her to sleep in her crib, only to give up 45 minutes later, put her in her bouncer and watch her fall asleep straight away.  We made up endless bottles of milk that went to waste, convinced that she must be either hungry or tired, ‘why won’t she stop crying??’ Around three-four months something just clicked. Perhaps Taylor finally got used to being on a 24 hour clock, or I just got to know her better and read her signals, either way I hope I’ll be less frantic if there’s a next time – babies will find their own routine eventually, and it’s very little to do with you.

4. Care what people will think when she’s making a scene

As a new mum I often felt as though I was surrounded by ‘perfect parents’ with ‘perfect children’ and when Taylor would have one of her hissy fits I did feel as though I was being judged by those around me for not being able to comfort my baby. I’m sure this was entirely nothing to do with other people, and everything to do with my own lack of confidence in what the hell I was doing.

At every postnatal class I attended with her, it seemed as though she was the only baby ‘acting up’ and would scream the place down until I finally had to leave. I did feel as though other mums were probably thinking ‘she’s obviously tired, hungry, wants a cuddle’ etc, but I soon came to realise that when Taylor was like that, nothing at all would calm her down. She was diagnosed with a kidney infection at 11 weeks and had to stay in hospital for three nights for intravenous antibiotics. After she came out she was so much happier. She still of course has the odd meltdown but I’ve learnt to deal with the fact that babies often disturb the peace – and other people will have to deal with that too.

5. Have baby sleep in our room until six months

nursery baby's own room

I know that the guidelines tell us six months, and I would’ve stuck to this had Taylor not been such a restless sleeper. It was either us waking her up, or her waking us up – either way, none of us seemed to be getting any sleep. Taylor would thrash around in her crib bouncing her arms and legs off the bars like a caged animal.

I started to put her into her cot in her own room for her daytime naps (as she refused to go down in her crib) and she seemed to instantly prefer it. She then went through a phase at night of constantly spitting out her dummy and crying for it back – I would be up all night putting in back in to try and prevent an all-out melt down. We endured this for a couple more weeks until our health visitor suggested we try her in her own room at four months. She seemed so much more content from day one. And I am a much nicer person now that I get to sleep.

6. Buy a separate changing bag

Don’t get me wrong, I love our changing bag and I do use it all the time, but I love my leather handbags more. I now realise that my changing bag is just a big bag with lots of pockets – of which I already own plenty. I don’t even use the bottle warmer/cooler compartment which came with it as it’s pretty rubbish compared to my separate AVENT one which was bought for us as a present. I could be £70 better off.

7. Buy lots of newborn clothes

There’s nothing quite so tempting as browsing cute newborn clothes when you’re nine months pregnant and super excited about the imminent arrival of your little one (apart from perhaps a box of Krispy Kremes). But trust me, you really don’t need much.

Aside from the fact that your newborn will live in nothing other than babygrows and vests for the firsts few months of his/her life, your family and friends will have it covered. Yes, everybody else loves cute newborn clothes just as much as you do and you’ll be amazed at the amount of gifts you’ll receive.

8. Sterilise bottles after six monthsavent bottle steriliser

Okay, so I’d be fibbing if I was to say that I don’t do this anymore – at seven months I still do. But this is really because I find the steriliser a good place to keep all of those ugly bottle parts which would otherwise be making a mess of my cupboards.

I do however struggle to see the logic in sterilising the feeding bottles of a baby who is now deemed okay to drink tap water from an unsterilised beaker – and I won’t be judging anyone who has done away with the steriliser altogether. I’m sure I’ll be doing just that next time.

Super Busy Mum
MaternityMondays

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Advertisements

35 thoughts you have as you feed your six month old baby

baby weaning

1. I think she’ll like this one, it tastes good

2. Yep, she likes it

3. Good girl!

4. Let’s get it down you quickly before you change your mind

5. Good girl!

6. Darling, stop looking at the dog

7. Look, eat it like Mummy is

8. Wow, I’m starving I might have a bit more

9. Look, Mummy’s going to eat all of your food if you don’t want it

10. Max, go away!

11. Good girl

12. Yes, of course you can help hold the spoon – you clever girl!

13. Um, no actually I think Mummy should just do it

14. Please let go of the spoon

15. Oh no, please don’t cry!

16. Look yummmmm nice food! You try?

17. Please stop clamping your mouth shut

18. And shaking your head from side to side

19. Good girl

20. What?? Why are you blowing raspberries now????

21. Ew

22. One more mouthful and then I’ll be happy

23. Okay, maybe just one more

24. No, you can’t have the bowl

25. Wow, how are you so strong already?!

26. Never mind, only a bit on the floor

27. Perhaps I’ll wipe that hand before you rub it through your hair

28. Shit, where have the wet wipes gone?

29. Ah, too late!

30. Never mind, we’re supposed to let her get messy

31. Wait, how did we get it down the wall?

32. Darling, please give Mummy the spoon back

33. Perhaps you’d like some finger food?

34. Wow, there’s so much on the floor…

35. MAX!!!!

Super Busy Mum
You Baby Me Mummy
The Dad Network

The six month evolution

This week Taylor hit six-months – a big milestone in a baby’s life and the point when everything (I can confirm) does get a lot easier. In some ways it’s flown by – it seems like only yesterday when I started to have those contractions leaning over the sofa in the living room and being told at the hospital that I was too late to have an epidural (whaaaat????).six month baby

Yet I can’t imagine our lives now without her – she has completed us in so many ways and every day she brings more fun, love and happiness to our lives and excitement about what the future holds for us as a family.

I’ve also discovered that I’m actually quite a good mum. I did have my suspicions pre-baby that I might turn out to be a bit useless, but I’ve actually taken to motherhood pretty well *big pat on the back*. I’ve had to become much more organised with a baby and I actually quite like the new me – I’m even on time for appointments and meetings, which (those who knew me Before Taylor will appreciate) is a somewhat spectacular achievement. Or perhaps it’s just that those meetings and appointments are now much more pleasurable lunch dates and play groups…either way, I’m enjoying this new chapter in my life and have discovered that I’m far better at looking after someone else than I ever was at looking after myself. Continue reading

8 things that will happen when Dad babysits

leaving dad to babysit

1. Dad will call you within 10 minutes of you leaving the house to ask “where do you keep the….?”

2. Baby will be fed something they ‘aren’t allowed’ to eat

3. A takeaway will be ordered

4. Bedtime will be two hours later than usual because “baby was really enjoying Star Wars”

5. At some point in the night, baby will end up in bed with Dad because “she started to cry.”

6. When you get home the following morning, your child will have been either:

  • a) the most difficult they’ve EVER been (“They must be ill, definitely not usually this bad…”) or
  • b) An absolute breeze (“I don’t know why you make out it’s so hard!”)

7. The house will look like it’s been shelled

8. You will be missed

Mummascribbles</div

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

You Baby Me Mummy

Review: Brother Max weaning pots

Taylor has been eyeing up our food for a while now, so when she hit 17 weeks I decided we were ready to embark of the great adventure that is weaning. Admittedly, the foodie in me was also quite excited about the prospect of offering her something other than milk, and so I set about the task of chopping, steaming, mashing and blending with zealous enthusiasm.

Brother Max Weaning Pots review

I’m not usually one to fall for the endless gadgets and gizmos which are aimed at us parents, but since I was quite excited about this chapter in Taylor’s development, I found myself in Babies R Us with more weaning supplies than I could carry in my one free hand. Alongside some Tommee Tippee bowls, weaning spoons and a ‘my first cup’,  I also picked up these Brother Max weaning pots for £4.99 – which I chose over the other brands on the shelf thanks to the inclusion of a handy marker pen for writing contents/date on the pots before freezing (fickle, I know).
Continue reading

“Is she sleeping through yet?”

As soon as you realise that sleep deprivation is the root of all evil – which pretty much occurs the minute you come home from the hospital with your little miracle – your greatest aspiration in life becomes getting them to ‘sleep through’ (*translate* – you want to sleep through).

baby sleeping through the night

It becomes a bit of an obsession in fact, an ongoing quest to seek out that magic formula as though there’s some ‘cure’ to get your baby to ‘sleep through’ – if only you could work it out. The idea that your baby is actually capable of sleeping through – but just isn’t doing – becomes all-consuming. You quiz your friends who seem to have sussed it – they must not be telling you something. You change your mind about what the magic formula must be on a weekly basis. Our journey has gone something like this:

One week: “Perhaps she’s sleeping too much in the day, let’s try cutting her naps”
The week after: “Sleep most definitely breeds sleep”

One week: Let’s just top her up with as much milk as possible before we go to bed”
The week after: “She still wakes up at the same time anyway, let’s not disturb her”

One week: “Just keep putting her dummy back in, she’s not hungry”
The week after: “Now she’s just crying for her dummy – I think we should take it away”

baby sleeping through

Just a pipe dream

One week: “Maybe she is hungry after all, perhaps we should just offer her a feed again every time she wakes up”
The week after: “She’s definitely not hungry, let’s try hot water.”

When Taylor hit five months we thought we had finally cracked it. She actually slept through. And I’m talking 7pm to 6am sleeping through, so definitely something to celebrate. We started to stay up past 10.30pm to watch ‘just one more episode’ of House of Cards and even indulged in a second glass on wine on some nights. We thought we were one of the lucky ones.

This lasted for an entire six nights…

And then on the seventh night, Taylor woke up and exclaimed “Ha! Not really! I was just playing with you guys!” Not quite, but she may as well have done. And now we’re up every couple of hours again, adamant that we’re not going to feed her (“she’s not even hungry!!!”) until I finally give in (following nappy changes, cuddles, teething powder, hot water, Calpol and every other remedy in that book), knowing that a little milk is the only thing that will get me one more hour of sleep (“but she’s not hungry – look she’s just fussing.”) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

And it’s not the first time she tricked us. At three months she went for a whole two weeks of just waking up at 4am, feeding and then going back to sleep until 7am. I felt normal again. Fresher than ever in fact. Until again, she decided that ‘actually mum, I quite liked being fed every three hours afterall’. What the hell????

So my dear friends, do not let them trick you. Just when you think you’ve finally cracked it, your little bundle will probably have other ideas. I’ve finally accepted that I just need to go with it, not over-analyse and enjoy those good nights while they last.

Who needs sleep anyway?

Super Busy Mum
Mummascribbles</div

Taking baby abroad for the first time

I know that some parents would feel a little reluctant to take a four month old baby abroad – taking them away from their routine, worrying about maintaining their temperature in a new climate and panicking that a potential meltdown could make them ‘those parents who can’t shut up their child’ throughout the duration of the flight.

Taking baby abroad for the first time

But we found that taking Taylor to Dubai wasn’t stressful at all, thanks to some great tips from other mums and making sure that we were fully prepared. In fact, she absolutely loved it and thrived being around new people and in new places.

So here are my top tips if you’re planning a baby voyage anytime soon:

Limit the amount you pack: At four months old Taylor only needed a couple of small toys/rattles, and enough clothes for each day/night she would be away (plus a handful of spares in case of accidents). If formula feeding think about how much you’re realistically going to need and don’t take excessive amounts. We also only took enough nappies to last the first few days and then stocked up once we were there. Not being over-burdened with excessive amounts of luggage also helped us to keep more organised once we were on holiday.

Taylor chillin'

Taylor chillin’

Getting to the airport: Legally, you don’t need a car seat to travel in a taxi in the UK (and most other countries), so if this would be your preferred method of travel to the airport, don’t feel you need to drive. If it’s a resort you’re going to where you won’t be needing to travel much, leave your car seat behind.

Don’t forget your baby carrier: We found our baby bjorn so useful, especially at the airports and getting on/off the plane. Taylor loved bobbing around looking at everything going on and we could turn her to face us when she got sleepy.

Book a bassinet for the flight: To ensure that you won’t be holding a crying baby throughout the entire flight, make sure that you book a bassinet in advance. Most airlines have limited numbers of these available so don’t leave it up until check-in to get this sorted. Taylor was a gem and pretty much slept the whole flight (there and back) aside from waking up for feeds. Result.

Stock up on ready-made formula (if formula feeding): ready-made infant formulaOkay, so we ran out of time and didn’t get chance to do this thinking that we might be able to grab some from Boots at the airport – we couldn’t. Obviously we had prepared and had our powdered formula at the ready, but waiting for boiling water to cool down etc just took that little bit longer than we would’ve liked.

At the beach: We had a beach shelter/tent for Taylor which proved invaluable. Not only did it shelter her from the sun and the wind, it also kept her away from those pesky grains of sand. She loved chilling in there – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Poolside: Don’t forget to stock up on swim nappies before you go. Also worth getting a swim hat so you don’t ruin your pretty cotton ones! Also take plenty of cooled boiled water so that you can keep baby hydrated between her milk feeds.

Bath time: When visiting hotels we bathed Taylor in the sinks, lining them with a hand towel first so that they weren’t too cold for her to sit in. You can also place socks over the taps to limit any potential hazards with those!

Enjoying your evenings: The best advice I can give is to not be too hard on yourself about breaking any routine you may have established back home. Being out and about every day meant that Taylor napped when she wanted to and we found that most evenings she would fall asleep in her buggy after her usual 7pm bedtime anyway (following bath and feed), so we were able to enjoy meals out etc as we would’ve done before. Make sure that you take out extra blankets/muslins that you can hang over the hood and of course any usual soothers, additional feeds just in case. We did find that Taylor woke us up more frequently throughout the night, but hey, we were on holiday and at least we could share the load.

My list of essentials (in addition to the obvious usuals):

  • Baby bjorn
  • Beach tent
  • Pool nappies
  • Sun hats/ pool hats
  • Baby sun screen
  • Travel steriliser and sterilising tablets (if you use a microwave steriliser or yours is too big!)
  • Extra blankets
  • Plug-in night light
  • Travel cot (if the hotel doesn’t provide one)
  • Calpol/ first-aid kit (just in case)
  • Travel black-out blind (the Gro Company do a good one)

And most important of all…enjoy yourself! x

The List

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com