- You decide to play a game of monopoly with the whole family. Four hours later only the buyer of Mayfair still gives a shit
- You fill up on Roses and Quality Streets before the five-course Christmas dinner
- You don’t want to pay £8 for ‘guaranteed Christmas delivery’ on Amazon. Anyway, it says 7-10 days and you’ve got 11 so surely it will arrive on time. It doesn’t.
- Even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t, you decide to go out for a couple of drinks on Christmas Eve (it is Christmas afterall…) At 10pm you decide to get the shots in. At 4am you stumble home in your Santa hat singing to the Pogues. At 7am you seem to have lost your Christmas spirit; Santa should not have come here.
- It takes your dad five attempts to set the Christmas pudding alight. And then nobody wants to eat it anyway.
- You spend a good 30 minutes choosing the perfect Christmas tree. You don’t want anything that will be ‘lost’ in your living room, and symmetry is so important. When you get home you realise it’s too tall to fit a star on top. It’s actually massive – you’ll need to saw off that two feet you just paid an extra £20 for
- You buy a Christmas jumper to wear especially for Christmas dinner – forgetting that your parents have the heating cranked up so high it’s more like Antigua than Antarctica
- Your mum insists that everyone watches the Christmas specials of Corrie and Eastenders, only to fall asleep 10 minutes in
- You decide to get creative this year and make sloe gin – what a lovely gift for everyone. You plan well in advance, picking the berries, and a good two days are spent making the stuff and buying cute bottles and gift tags. It’s been hard work but at least people will appreciate it. They don’t – they think you’re a cheapskate who didn’t want to fork out £20 on some Bombay…It stays in the drinks cabinet for the next 5 years next to the Amaretto.
- Every year your mum has high hopes for the Christmas crackers (“they weren’t cheap these”). Every year they don’t crack but they do contain the same useless spanner, useless nail clippers and useless puzzle…must spend more next year.
Sending lots of festive cheer to everyone! Would love to hear if you can think of any other Christmas Fails that I can add to this list to make 12!?