The six month evolution

This week Taylor hit six-months – a big milestone in a baby’s life and the point when everything (I can confirm) does get a lot easier. In some ways it’s flown by – it seems like only yesterday when I started to have those contractions leaning over the sofa in the living room and being told at the hospital that I was too late to have an epidural (whaaaat????).six month baby

Yet I can’t imagine our lives now without her – she has completed us in so many ways and every day she brings more fun, love and happiness to our lives and excitement about what the future holds for us as a family.

I’ve also discovered that I’m actually quite a good mum. I did have my suspicions pre-baby that I might turn out to be a bit useless, but I’ve actually taken to motherhood pretty well *big pat on the back*. I’ve had to become much more organised with a baby and I actually quite like the new me – I’m even on time for appointments and meetings, which (those who knew me Before Taylor will appreciate) is a somewhat spectacular achievement. Or perhaps it’s just that those meetings and appointments are now much more pleasurable lunch dates and play groups…either way, I’m enjoying this new chapter in my life and have discovered that I’m far better at looking after someone else than I ever was at looking after myself. Continue reading

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8 things that will happen when Dad babysits

leaving dad to babysit

1. Dad will call you within 10 minutes of you leaving the house to ask “where do you keep the….?”

2. Baby will be fed something they ‘aren’t allowed’ to eat

3. A takeaway will be ordered

4. Bedtime will be two hours later than usual because “baby was really enjoying Star Wars”

5. At some point in the night, baby will end up in bed with Dad because “she started to cry.”

6. When you get home the following morning, your child will have been either:

  • a) the most difficult they’ve EVER been (“They must be ill, definitely not usually this bad…”) or
  • b) An absolute breeze (“I don’t know why you make out it’s so hard!”)

7. The house will look like it’s been shelled

8. You will be missed

Mummascribbles</div

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

You Baby Me Mummy

“Is she sleeping through yet?”

As soon as you realise that sleep deprivation is the root of all evil – which pretty much occurs the minute you come home from the hospital with your little miracle – your greatest aspiration in life becomes getting them to ‘sleep through’ (*translate* – you want to sleep through).

baby sleeping through the night

It becomes a bit of an obsession in fact, an ongoing quest to seek out that magic formula as though there’s some ‘cure’ to get your baby to ‘sleep through’ – if only you could work it out. The idea that your baby is actually capable of sleeping through – but just isn’t doing – becomes all-consuming. You quiz your friends who seem to have sussed it – they must not be telling you something. You change your mind about what the magic formula must be on a weekly basis. Our journey has gone something like this:

One week: “Perhaps she’s sleeping too much in the day, let’s try cutting her naps”
The week after: “Sleep most definitely breeds sleep”

One week: Let’s just top her up with as much milk as possible before we go to bed”
The week after: “She still wakes up at the same time anyway, let’s not disturb her”

One week: “Just keep putting her dummy back in, she’s not hungry”
The week after: “Now she’s just crying for her dummy – I think we should take it away”

baby sleeping through

Just a pipe dream

One week: “Maybe she is hungry after all, perhaps we should just offer her a feed again every time she wakes up”
The week after: “She’s definitely not hungry, let’s try hot water.”

When Taylor hit five months we thought we had finally cracked it. She actually slept through. And I’m talking 7pm to 6am sleeping through, so definitely something to celebrate. We started to stay up past 10.30pm to watch ‘just one more episode’ of House of Cards and even indulged in a second glass on wine on some nights. We thought we were one of the lucky ones.

This lasted for an entire six nights…

And then on the seventh night, Taylor woke up and exclaimed “Ha! Not really! I was just playing with you guys!” Not quite, but she may as well have done. And now we’re up every couple of hours again, adamant that we’re not going to feed her (“she’s not even hungry!!!”) until I finally give in (following nappy changes, cuddles, teething powder, hot water, Calpol and every other remedy in that book), knowing that a little milk is the only thing that will get me one more hour of sleep (“but she’s not hungry – look she’s just fussing.”) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

And it’s not the first time she tricked us. At three months she went for a whole two weeks of just waking up at 4am, feeding and then going back to sleep until 7am. I felt normal again. Fresher than ever in fact. Until again, she decided that ‘actually mum, I quite liked being fed every three hours afterall’. What the hell????

So my dear friends, do not let them trick you. Just when you think you’ve finally cracked it, your little bundle will probably have other ideas. I’ve finally accepted that I just need to go with it, not over-analyse and enjoy those good nights while they last.

Who needs sleep anyway?

Super Busy Mum
Mummascribbles</div

Why we’re addicted to parenting forums

From the minute we find out we’re expecting a baby, we find ourselves turning to the internet for all manner of uncertainties (is this feeling normal?) parenting forums

This continues when we approach labour (what should I expect?), through the early days of parenthood (I’m clueless) and (I can only imagine) throughout your child’s whole life (she’s sick, she’s troublesome, she’s quiet…)

I admit that I have never actually posted anything on a forum, but I am a bit of a serial browser (or rather frantic scanner) as I trawl through the comment threads on Babycentre looking for the ‘answers’ to my daily queries about motherhood. The truth is, I don’t necessarily want answers, just confirmation that my inclinations are right. Unlike my health visitor, midwife and GP, forums provide me with thousands of answers to choose from and I will keep on searching until I find one that I like and agree with. Any answers that don’t back up what I already thought before I typed my query into Google just get swiped past – what do they know anyhow?

More often than not, I don’t find any answers at all. Just hundreds of parents who are all experiencing the same problems and facing the same challenges. This in itself is enough for me – it makes me feel better knowing that there are thousands of others out there having just as hard a time of it. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not being over-dramatic and that another parent who has experienced the same challenges as me thought that it warranted signing up and posting a comment about it.

I started to understand very early on this journey of motherhood that nobody really knows better than yourself. Forums serve this mindset nicely, allowing us to self-diagnose any problems and take and leave advice as we see fit. I’ve had no end of conversations with my parent friends who have tried to obtain advice from their health visitors/ GPs but have been disappointed (or darn right pissed off) by text book responses that leave no room for individual circumstances. My health visitor is actually pretty easy going about ‘just do what works for you’, but even I find myself just asking for advice for the sake of it, already knowing beforehand what I’m going to do regardless of her response (I already Googled it).

So here’s to another 18 years of stalking parenting forums. What would I do without you?

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Parenting fails

Being a new parent is no easy feat. Despite getting by on four hours’ sleep a night and having to adjust to a whole new way of life, there’s an expectation that because you are now a mother/father you should all of a sudden become the most organised, responsible and capable person overnight.

parenting fails

Alongside this, there are also those ‘rules’set out by the healthcare professionals that put the fear of god in you from day one – if you don’t abide by them you are a very bad parent. Not to mention your baby eyeing your every move with suspicion and wailing whenever you don’t quite understand her needs – ‘seriously, what kind of mother are you?’And to top it all off, there seems to be a whole host of very organised, responsible and capable parents everywhere you go – the ones with four kids in tow who don’t seem in the slightest bit flustered and smile at you with pity for not knowing that your pushchair wouldn’t quite fit in the lift.

So here is my list of those times (so far) I’ve been very aware of my ‘newbie mum’ status:

1) I realise baby has been in her car seat for a whole 2 hours and 10 minutes. I’m not quite sure what’s happened to baby during those extra ten minutes, but I know it’s really bad.

2) Baby wakes up from her nap early and I realise I haven’t even sterilised the bottles, let alone boiled the kettle and waited for the water to cool down. Shit, shit, shit!parenting fails

3) Those pesky vests are sooo difficult to put on, especially when baby’s screaming and throwing her arms and legs all over the place. After a particularly stressful episode, I finally get it on. Only to realise it’s on BACK TO FRONT.

4) I forgot the red book – again. The health visitor, nurse, doctor asks encouragingly, ‘has it been a bit of a stressful morning?’ No it hasn’t actually, I’m just a terrible mother.

5) I’ve been winding baby for at least 20 minutes now and she hasn’t burped yet. I convince myself that I must have just missed it and put her back in her crib and crawl back into bed. She’s immediately sick all over herself.

6) I was sure I tucked baby’s blankets into the mattress but wake up to find that she’s pulled them up over her face. I’ve been lead to believe that she will die if this happens. Luckily she’s alive and smiling.

7) I decide to go out for a nice walk. Half way through it starts to piss it down and I didn’t bring the rain cover for the pram. Baby is not happy.

8) I momentarily forget I have a baby and plan a night out…

The List

A belated apology to my dear mum

lesson

Dear Mum…

I don’t think I ever thanked you for those months at the beginning of my life when you doted on me no matter what. I confess that I was just testing you, trying to see how far I could push you – you were just so nice to me all the time…So  I played a few cruel tricks on you. Just for kicks really.

Now that I’m experiencing this first hand myself (karma hey?) I think a few apologies are long overdue. So here goes…

I’M SO SORRY FOR:

Taylor pretending

Taylor pretending

  • Throwing the dummy out of my crib for the seventh time that night. I decided I didn’t want it after all.
  • Letting you change my outfit and then weeing all over it in the 4 seconds you took to swap my nappy. I thought I was being funny. You clearly didn’t.
  • Pretending to be asleep every time the health visitor, midwife, friends, family visited so that you would look like a big fat fibber.
  • Letting you take ages swaddling me and then breaking out of it as soon as you put me down. I thought you were testing my motor skills.
  • Waiting until you settled down to watch the next episode of that drama you were in to and then screaming for you. I just wanted to see whodunnit.
  • Eye-balling and smiling at you during the night feeds. I knew you were trying not to look at me.
  • Crying for food for two hours and then falling back to sleep once you got up to make the bottle. I was just playing with you.

Please forgive me, I knew not what I did.

The List
Mummascribbles

Things you thought stupid before becoming a parent

baby on board image

‘Baby on Board’ car stickers

Before having a baby I used to get irrational irritated by these. I perceived them as a self-righteous indulgence by parents who want to tell the world that they made a baby (all by themselves) and are currently on their way to the park to make daisy chains, whilst the rest of us are running late for another shit day at the office. I thought they gave overly cautious parent drivers an unnecessary excuse to be even more cautious,  and shame on you if you get too close – don’t you know there’s a BABY in the car?? 

Yet since becoming mum, I now totally ‘get’ these.

On my first outing out with Taylor, I had this overwhelming sense of responsibility. Overnight my most precious possession went from being my engagement ring to a little human being. What if I lost her, or forgot I had her, or took my hand off the pram and she rolled in to oncoming traffic? What if someone stole her, or she stopped breathing and I didn’t notice??? The thoughts were endless. So being in the car was no different. I went from being a relatively impatient driver to being one of those in the inside lane dutifully sticking to the speed limit. “How dare you get up my ass – I have a bloody baby in the car and I don’t give a shit if you’re running late for work…arsehole.”

Saturday pushchair shoppers

I admit it. I used to judge parents who went shopping on Saturdays, charging their pushchairs through crowds of people whilst looking harassed and pissed off. Why bother? I thought. Doesn’t she have the whole week to get out? OUCH – that’s my bloody ankle! Bitch. 

Now, let me enlighten those without child. That mum did intend to get this shopping trip done and dusted before Saturday, but things just didn’t go to plan this week. So that’s why she’s here. She’s had to time the trip perfectly so that she’s back home or sat having a coffee in Costa in two hours as her baby will need feeding. So she’s in a bit of a rush. She had three hours’ sleep last night and the British public haven’t done much to help her mood so far, watching from the sidelines as she struggles to get the pushchair through various doors and up flights of steps. As she gets to the till to pay for her purchases she remembers that the basket in her pram is minuscule so she’s having to carry all of her bags on one hand, which is cutting off the circulation in her fingers. She now only has 30 minutes until the feed is due. Sod the coffee, she wants to get home. She’s ramming into you because you’re dawdling and you didn’t hear her say ‘excuse me’ because you’re having too much fun. Move out the way! Bitch. 

boring facebook updatesStatus updates 

You groan every time you see another baby picture that your friend’s uploaded onto Facebook. You really don’t need to know that she was up again all night, that she’s managed to change the bed today, or that her baby was sick all over the sofa. You don’t care. You have better things to do with your day.

So spare a thought for her. Whilst you’re instagramming your gourmet brunch, sharing your night on the town or tweeting your thoughts about that commentary you read in The Times today, your friend is changing nappies, watching CBeebies and speaking gaga language to a six week old. Any spare time she has is spent sterilizing bottles and folding laundry. She’s bloody proud of those clean sheets. Indulge her, it won’t be forever.

Parent/child parking bays

I was pretty ignorant before Taylor. I didn’t really see what the big deal was about parking with a child and why this gave parents the special privilege of having a space close to the entrance. They have buggies to transport the children after all. There always seemed to be too many of these spaces and not enough for everyone else.parent child parking

I found out the hard way why these bays are absolutely necessary when I embarked on my first trip to our local shopping centre. I felt pretty smug at first, privately gloating about the fact that I would finally be able to park in one of these spaces for the privileged people with children. The smugness was short-lived however when I entered the multi-storey car park and found that throughout the first six floors, not a single one of these bays was free. After 20 minutes of driving around, I accepted that I would just have to use one of the non-privileged spaces so drove into one only to find a concrete post within inches of my door. Before Taylor I would’ve simply climbed over to the passenger side and got out of the car that way. But ah, there’s not enough room to get the bloody car seat out anyway. It’s not like I could tell her to hop out whilst I straightened up. I drove into and reversed out of another five spaces before finally taking up two spaces on the TWELFTH FLOOR.

So much for privileged treatment.

The List

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